Two lost people met....Two lost people seeking in each other a romantic reprieve with hopes of something real. Two lost people...found wanting- but not in each other...ones emotions gone dry...feelings run empty...replaced by an inhuman deciet, while the other held on,clung blindly in hope to what was no longer there.....
Now the Two are left broken over what had passed...disheveled in choas to personally clean up the pieces.
Seperated from what could have...deprived from chances of what both had hoped for....
What a waste...of emotion and time....
And yet...are the two better from the lesson...?
As the one left behind to feel the roadburns of the other happily moving on...
I feel only saddness....it's not your fault I put everything into you...needing fullfilment where there was none.
My own soul is darkened by the things that have happned to me..between us...my mind clouded and hopeless...wanting to find something to replace the emptiness of you not there.
I've been wrong...seeking it in the wrong place, searching in you something perfect that did not exist.
It started simple...then seeped through like a plague...reaching to the core of who I am...making me sick with with something I am not. I kept going like a driving force...pushing where there was nothing to push...desperate and hopeless from feeling you already gone I kept on...
I'm not perfect and when i'm pushed away I become a monster, representing something that i'm not. Looking back I see all the flaws....all my flaws, that didn't mesh.
I see myself more clearly now....my good and my bad...realizing where my weaknesses are that infiltrate and make things what are not.
I have a desire that needs to be fullfilled and looking in the wrong places...did not suffice.
My mind like an anchor in the storm...creating what is not really there to help me.
Am I more lost or have I finallly been found...with more understanding....
I do not know...
My heart is hardened, my resolve toughned,my reality more grounded...my passive nature is finally tired of being someones door mat.
So what now....but to keep going...my dark thoughts creeping in telling me it would be easier to lay down and give up what life I have...my death on his hands a reminder to him that humanity is fragile,special and not to be taken for granted .... no matter how meaningless the person may seem.
So where is the light in this darkness that I am stuck and lost in? I have to create that myself...no longer believing in human nature to trust....
I am just one now...my soul my own to keep, my peace to not be taken...
Daily in pain at his constant reminders that I have no worth to him, that I was nothing but a toy, that all along and even now he felt nothing...I gave my heart to unreciprocrated ends...
And now numbing myself to the reality it is no longer Two...that the illusion he created means my feelings never really existed, and in that he suffered more walking away from me then I did in the long run...he lost in his life all that he was fond of in me..
My goodness...my heart...my sincerity....
Leaving with him the videos I sent of sharing who I am... the movies as a reminder of my expressions of trust and adoration...
His part in MY story is over...his story isn't good enough...rightous enough...to be there with me to the finish...
And what a grand fullfilling story I will have!
My destiny is not tied to someone who walks away...
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Monday, November 1, 2010
Telepathy....
You ever wish you had telepathy?
Just so you can know what the other is thinking and feeling...so that you can navigate your own thoughts/feelings to be the same. This way you could never doubt or be left in the unknown about whats really going on...
The downside of that...is there is no privacy. It wouldn't be fair,but the idea would be nice.
Thats the diffrence between men and women....men naturally can sift through the reality of a relationship and know where things stand. Whereas women...think...and think...and think. How many times has there been problems in a relationship b.c the woman is over thinking things to a point of over kill?
How do we find the balance then...to take the facts and see the reality of things like men?
I think...to a point....it's why we women are made. To be the emotional thinkers of a relationship...to bring love and romance and the men feel loved and complete to respond. I think....we are the emotional glue thats holds it together, and it's a tough thing to do. Men complain we are pushy and clingy...and yet if we stopped...what would be left but an empty shell of a 'relationship'.
I also think that it matters on the person you are with....if they dont reciprocate our affection.....then clearly they will just get more and more annoyed.
So wheres the fine line when it becomes too much? When the woman is pushing too hard...or when the man stops caring....
Well....we dont have telepathy...so it's about communication.....
The woman communicating her needs/wants/hurts, and the man communicating when its too much,that he actually cares.Both takes trust that the other person can handle the information and that it'll be worked through, not tossed to the side.
Until then....there will always be discord....
Just so you can know what the other is thinking and feeling...so that you can navigate your own thoughts/feelings to be the same. This way you could never doubt or be left in the unknown about whats really going on...
The downside of that...is there is no privacy. It wouldn't be fair,but the idea would be nice.
Thats the diffrence between men and women....men naturally can sift through the reality of a relationship and know where things stand. Whereas women...think...and think...and think. How many times has there been problems in a relationship b.c the woman is over thinking things to a point of over kill?
How do we find the balance then...to take the facts and see the reality of things like men?
I think...to a point....it's why we women are made. To be the emotional thinkers of a relationship...to bring love and romance and the men feel loved and complete to respond. I think....we are the emotional glue thats holds it together, and it's a tough thing to do. Men complain we are pushy and clingy...and yet if we stopped...what would be left but an empty shell of a 'relationship'.
I also think that it matters on the person you are with....if they dont reciprocate our affection.....then clearly they will just get more and more annoyed.
So wheres the fine line when it becomes too much? When the woman is pushing too hard...or when the man stops caring....
Well....we dont have telepathy...so it's about communication.....
The woman communicating her needs/wants/hurts, and the man communicating when its too much,that he actually cares.Both takes trust that the other person can handle the information and that it'll be worked through, not tossed to the side.
Until then....there will always be discord....
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Expectations
I’ve come to realize…that’s a deadly word to have in a relationship. The kind of expectation women have from a romance novel…or romance movie…sets too high expectations from a man.
This type of expectation…leaves the woman always needing and wanting more from their partner that only leads to trouble. Don’t get me wrong…I’m not saying a guy is incapable of the romance that comes from those stories….
But when a guy says he cares, loves you, wants you in their life…the thoughts from a romance story creeps in. Expecting to get the sweep you off your feet feeling. The ladies are expecting the most romantic journey of their life…while the guy is content with simple. Expecting that when a guy says those wonderful things that they are going to be getting all the ‘more’ they’ve been searching for.
This is unhealthy in a relationship…it leads to a lot of discontent, drama and can lead to communication being broken. Meanwhile the guy is feeling more and more pushed into a corner they aren’t ready for. This kind of expectation…does nothing but put poison into a healthy relationship. The woman becomes more and more insecure and losing confidence in the things said ,done to where there is nothing left but continual doubt.
Why is that though? Why can’t the things he’s done be good enough? Why must we women torture ourselves with this overbearing feeling of not being good enough or that they will inevitably leave us in the long run?
Personally…I think I’ve excelled in life…at pushing men away because of this. The logical side of me sees it all happening as if a slow horror movie is unfolding. The emotional side is blinded by hope that everything is ok…leaving me empty, waiting, and unhappy.
Just like out of a romance novel…I wait while my knight in shining armor is off fighting dragons. Waiting…leaving everything else behind to focus on growing romance and growing the relationship…while the guy isn’t even there. It becomes one-sided and then you realize that it is…you’re left with nothing to show for it…initiating everything to a point where you feel like…if you didn’t do it or say it…they never will. Meanwhile….he’s still off fighting dragons…has no clue… and I’m all alone.
So what then…when you’re at the point in realizing that it’s not a romance novel…but reality.
Women I think have the overwhelming tendency to over think and over analyze something that doesn’t need to be. Learning to be content with the things that can be given> The knight said he loved you before he left, he made sure you’d be well fed for the days he is gone on his journey…and even made sweet love to you the night before he left. To him..that is romance…because when he returns home…it’ll be all the more.
I’m brainstorming here….because the reality is I struggle with this everyday…taking my own advice is hard. Is there a book somewhere I can read…or map or directions to handle the dark moments while my knight is off fighting dragons and I’m left to all these torrent thoughts?
I know…deep down…It’s just the waiting…the confidence to believe in it.
And my knight…is worth waiting at home for…
This type of expectation…leaves the woman always needing and wanting more from their partner that only leads to trouble. Don’t get me wrong…I’m not saying a guy is incapable of the romance that comes from those stories….
But when a guy says he cares, loves you, wants you in their life…the thoughts from a romance story creeps in. Expecting to get the sweep you off your feet feeling. The ladies are expecting the most romantic journey of their life…while the guy is content with simple. Expecting that when a guy says those wonderful things that they are going to be getting all the ‘more’ they’ve been searching for.
This is unhealthy in a relationship…it leads to a lot of discontent, drama and can lead to communication being broken. Meanwhile the guy is feeling more and more pushed into a corner they aren’t ready for. This kind of expectation…does nothing but put poison into a healthy relationship. The woman becomes more and more insecure and losing confidence in the things said ,done to where there is nothing left but continual doubt.
Why is that though? Why can’t the things he’s done be good enough? Why must we women torture ourselves with this overbearing feeling of not being good enough or that they will inevitably leave us in the long run?
Personally…I think I’ve excelled in life…at pushing men away because of this. The logical side of me sees it all happening as if a slow horror movie is unfolding. The emotional side is blinded by hope that everything is ok…leaving me empty, waiting, and unhappy.
Just like out of a romance novel…I wait while my knight in shining armor is off fighting dragons. Waiting…leaving everything else behind to focus on growing romance and growing the relationship…while the guy isn’t even there. It becomes one-sided and then you realize that it is…you’re left with nothing to show for it…initiating everything to a point where you feel like…if you didn’t do it or say it…they never will. Meanwhile….he’s still off fighting dragons…has no clue… and I’m all alone.
So what then…when you’re at the point in realizing that it’s not a romance novel…but reality.
Women I think have the overwhelming tendency to over think and over analyze something that doesn’t need to be. Learning to be content with the things that can be given> The knight said he loved you before he left, he made sure you’d be well fed for the days he is gone on his journey…and even made sweet love to you the night before he left. To him..that is romance…because when he returns home…it’ll be all the more.
I’m brainstorming here….because the reality is I struggle with this everyday…taking my own advice is hard. Is there a book somewhere I can read…or map or directions to handle the dark moments while my knight is off fighting dragons and I’m left to all these torrent thoughts?
I know…deep down…It’s just the waiting…the confidence to believe in it.
And my knight…is worth waiting at home for…
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Argumentative…
I got inspired by a ‘friends’ post in regards to arguing in a relationship. Now granted the post was for fun with a hint of seriousness, but it got my creativity going…
Arguments are a fact of life…family, friends, and dating relationships.
There are some things that make them worse in specific relating to specific people.
Basis of most arguments I think is this: there’s 2 things about a guy that’s (usually) a fact:
1. They hate Drama
2. They hate to reassure.
The smart thing to do would be find a woman without drama, where the man doesn’t need to always reassure(b.c it'll come naturally)Could arguments be lessened without a woman’s dramatic reaction and the man dreading he has to reassure all the time?
I think to add onto those 2 basic things…is trust and honesty.
So many guys I’ve dated didn’t trust my reaction to how they were feeling or thinking assuming that my reaction would be dramatic. So they held it in, didn’t say anything…disappeared.
My reaction to them ‘disappearing’...drama-ish. I’m human...infallible...I’m not perfect…but I am a person who hates avoidance and dishonesty. It really pisses me off…and hurts that my emotional reaction can’t be trusted....when they didnt even give me a chance to show how little drama I can be.
On the flip side…what guy is going really feel they can be honest in a relationship? They perhaps think they are showing they care by staying quiet and make the other happy? But then the truth is never told…hidden within and seeping deep into the core of the relationships strength…eating it slowly away. If this happens every time…it will crumble from within…
Women will eventually be able to tell that there is something amiss…then…the argument starts.
It takes a lot of trust to be able to be honest…
It can take a lot for a woman to realize the honesty coming from a guy…take a step back from reacting and appreciate that the guy is taking a chance at being truthful. Then calmly discuss…
If the relationship is strong, meant to be…then arguments need to turn into discussion on how to make things better.
As for me…the more I know…ahead of time, upfront and with honesty…the more I am clear headed and not dramatic about it at all. My ‘off’ button to possibly being upset about what may need to be said…is sweet talking. (baby,hunnie,sweety etc). Makes me feel better about the situation; feel that somewhere in their honesty…they still care.
“I’m sorry sweetheart…but I’m not interested in you that way.”
Women…if you want that honesty, you got to give up the drama to listen and work it out…
Guys…take a chance…be honest…and really consider if you’re with the right girl if she doesn’t try to be drama free to work on the relationship…
Arguments are a fact of life…family, friends, and dating relationships.
There are some things that make them worse in specific relating to specific people.
Basis of most arguments I think is this: there’s 2 things about a guy that’s (usually) a fact:
1. They hate Drama
2. They hate to reassure.
The smart thing to do would be find a woman without drama, where the man doesn’t need to always reassure(b.c it'll come naturally)Could arguments be lessened without a woman’s dramatic reaction and the man dreading he has to reassure all the time?
I think to add onto those 2 basic things…is trust and honesty.
So many guys I’ve dated didn’t trust my reaction to how they were feeling or thinking assuming that my reaction would be dramatic. So they held it in, didn’t say anything…disappeared.
My reaction to them ‘disappearing’...drama-ish. I’m human...infallible...I’m not perfect…but I am a person who hates avoidance and dishonesty. It really pisses me off…and hurts that my emotional reaction can’t be trusted....when they didnt even give me a chance to show how little drama I can be.
On the flip side…what guy is going really feel they can be honest in a relationship? They perhaps think they are showing they care by staying quiet and make the other happy? But then the truth is never told…hidden within and seeping deep into the core of the relationships strength…eating it slowly away. If this happens every time…it will crumble from within…
Women will eventually be able to tell that there is something amiss…then…the argument starts.
It takes a lot of trust to be able to be honest…
It can take a lot for a woman to realize the honesty coming from a guy…take a step back from reacting and appreciate that the guy is taking a chance at being truthful. Then calmly discuss…
If the relationship is strong, meant to be…then arguments need to turn into discussion on how to make things better.
As for me…the more I know…ahead of time, upfront and with honesty…the more I am clear headed and not dramatic about it at all. My ‘off’ button to possibly being upset about what may need to be said…is sweet talking. (baby,hunnie,sweety etc). Makes me feel better about the situation; feel that somewhere in their honesty…they still care.
“I’m sorry sweetheart…but I’m not interested in you that way.”
Women…if you want that honesty, you got to give up the drama to listen and work it out…
Guys…take a chance…be honest…and really consider if you’re with the right girl if she doesn’t try to be drama free to work on the relationship…
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
LDR
Long Distance Relationship
I’m an internet guru…IT geek…so I end up finding some of the most eligible men…online. So in that, I met someone named Jeremy…lived in South Carolina…and he burned me really bad. There’s some pertinent things I learned from this relationship thing we had that I think needs to be thrown out there.
Overall LDR are HARD. It takes a lot of trust, communication and commitment from both sides. Here’s something I’ve designed for myself and others to follow…guidelines.
1. Both interested in each other. Being in a LDR where only one person is interested and the other isn’t WONT work. I think this one is pretty obvious and doesn’t need explanation. Although once a guy starts dropping back on communication…I assume he isn’t interested anymore and move on> I suggest you do the same if he does it to you.
2. Reassurance. I AM a person who needs A LOT of reassurance…sorry…that’s just who I am. Especially if it’s LDR. I’m meaning reassurance in the fact that the guys IS interested…this is done by their actions. Which actions are hard since it is less physical, but they can still show their interest by calling every day, keeping in contact any way they can.
3. Communication. I mean talking every day. Because you don’t see each other physically…communication is all that is left. The only way a LDR will work is if you keep constant contact with each other. Now it can be text, IM, phone calls etc…as long as it something. I hate…not hearing from someone within a day…and I’m ok with simple texts…b.c it’s still some form of connection still between us. Now I know…people have their own lives to live and get busy. The difference is when a guy is really into you, you become part of that day anyways to where contact with you is just like their cup of coffee in the morning…gotta have it.
4. NO naughtiness(I.E naked pics, naked web cam, phone sex). Guys are soo into this…. That I think it clouds the realness of a relationship. Sure after a long while- like a month or 2, then you can start sharing dirty pics and really being naughty over the phone, but before that I think it cheapens a relationship.
5. Building trust. I have no trust in a guy anymore when he says he will call, text…anything b.c I have been burned so many times by them. Now I have these high expectations and a guys got to seriously prove himself. Why should I settle for less anyways?
I’m done with sweet talking from a guy who’s LD, I’m ready for someone who naturally will follow these steps b.c he IS interested and willing to prove it. If the fact that I have these high expectations scares them off…then they weren’t that serious anyways. No one should settle for anything less, and I am constantly working on not settling for less.
I’m an internet guru…IT geek…so I end up finding some of the most eligible men…online. So in that, I met someone named Jeremy…lived in South Carolina…and he burned me really bad. There’s some pertinent things I learned from this relationship thing we had that I think needs to be thrown out there.
Overall LDR are HARD. It takes a lot of trust, communication and commitment from both sides. Here’s something I’ve designed for myself and others to follow…guidelines.
1. Both interested in each other. Being in a LDR where only one person is interested and the other isn’t WONT work. I think this one is pretty obvious and doesn’t need explanation. Although once a guy starts dropping back on communication…I assume he isn’t interested anymore and move on> I suggest you do the same if he does it to you.
2. Reassurance. I AM a person who needs A LOT of reassurance…sorry…that’s just who I am. Especially if it’s LDR. I’m meaning reassurance in the fact that the guys IS interested…this is done by their actions. Which actions are hard since it is less physical, but they can still show their interest by calling every day, keeping in contact any way they can.
3. Communication. I mean talking every day. Because you don’t see each other physically…communication is all that is left. The only way a LDR will work is if you keep constant contact with each other. Now it can be text, IM, phone calls etc…as long as it something. I hate…not hearing from someone within a day…and I’m ok with simple texts…b.c it’s still some form of connection still between us. Now I know…people have their own lives to live and get busy. The difference is when a guy is really into you, you become part of that day anyways to where contact with you is just like their cup of coffee in the morning…gotta have it.
4. NO naughtiness(I.E naked pics, naked web cam, phone sex). Guys are soo into this…. That I think it clouds the realness of a relationship. Sure after a long while- like a month or 2, then you can start sharing dirty pics and really being naughty over the phone, but before that I think it cheapens a relationship.
5. Building trust. I have no trust in a guy anymore when he says he will call, text…anything b.c I have been burned so many times by them. Now I have these high expectations and a guys got to seriously prove himself. Why should I settle for less anyways?
I’m done with sweet talking from a guy who’s LD, I’m ready for someone who naturally will follow these steps b.c he IS interested and willing to prove it. If the fact that I have these high expectations scares them off…then they weren’t that serious anyways. No one should settle for anything less, and I am constantly working on not settling for less.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Imprint......
Every so often we meet someone that leaves an imprint in our memories. Something special about them that we couldn't let go...emotions and feelings for them staying in The back of our minds and hearts.
These people are fortunate enough to stay with us even after they are gone.Things happened that cause the relationship to go astray.
Since June I've had the painful 'pleasure' to come across 3 unique men that have left said imprint on me...on my life.
There's no going back to them...
No do-overs...
I cannot undo the things I've done or said...
It is what it is..and now ill always remember them.
It's not completly hopeless...I've learned immensely from these men..things that prepare me to be a stronger,smarter woman in future relationships. Learning more about me - the good and the bad.
I've learned that I give my heart away to easily...
I'm too eager for something more to be there..
That I put too much trust and faith in their nonchalant sweet talking...
That I get attached to a sexual partner if I'm not forwarned that its just FWB to them...
That I overshare my complicated life too much...
That I'm annoying ...compulsive...pushy...aggressive...too blunt and unfocused....
But I'm also full of love...honesty...integrity..passionate...kind...giving and funloving...
What's life without lessons to teach you along the way? Yes...there is still pain from time to time when I think of them. But through that pain I've learned more about me... dating...and guys then I knew before.
I still have hope that any of them would come back to me....but I'm also aware the damage has been done...and ill never near from them again.
So moving forward...as always....trying harder to lock my heart away...
And learn to let go....
These people are fortunate enough to stay with us even after they are gone.Things happened that cause the relationship to go astray.
Since June I've had the painful 'pleasure' to come across 3 unique men that have left said imprint on me...on my life.
There's no going back to them...
No do-overs...
I cannot undo the things I've done or said...
It is what it is..and now ill always remember them.
It's not completly hopeless...I've learned immensely from these men..things that prepare me to be a stronger,smarter woman in future relationships. Learning more about me - the good and the bad.
I've learned that I give my heart away to easily...
I'm too eager for something more to be there..
That I put too much trust and faith in their nonchalant sweet talking...
That I get attached to a sexual partner if I'm not forwarned that its just FWB to them...
That I overshare my complicated life too much...
That I'm annoying ...compulsive...pushy...aggressive...too blunt and unfocused....
But I'm also full of love...honesty...integrity..passionate...kind...giving and funloving...
What's life without lessons to teach you along the way? Yes...there is still pain from time to time when I think of them. But through that pain I've learned more about me... dating...and guys then I knew before.
I still have hope that any of them would come back to me....but I'm also aware the damage has been done...and ill never near from them again.
So moving forward...as always....trying harder to lock my heart away...
And learn to let go....
Friday, August 6, 2010
"I like you..."
I've had so many guys tell me this recently ...what the heck does it really mean? What am I suppose to do with that?
I like you....but your not good enough to date...
I like you...but your not really my type...
I like you....but I just want FWB from you until I find someone I really want
I like you...like I like my puppy...
I like you...I enjoy time with you, so let me use you until I'm done with you..
I like you....but I'm still gonna treat you like my puppy...
I like you...but..but...but...
So what does it really mean? Is it the mark of a beginning to something or is it just an over used expression guys use to stay nice but not really mean or do anything?
When does it mean more...? How can I navigate through all the bullshit to find the one who really means it?
How many times have women been run over by a guy using this saying but not really meaning it? I think in reality...liking me isn't good enough. I'm at a point where I just wanna tell a guy to fuck off when he says it..b.c I don't believe in that saying anymore.
To me...and most women..."i like you" is a guy telling us 'your worthwhile enough to take the next steps to a relationship". That's what I see when someone tells me that...so its a double negative when in reality it doesn't mean that way.
Hey 'i like cookies' but you don't see me endearing to them 'i like you cookie' before I eat it!
I'm trying not to be bitter or angry...its too early in my dating adventure to become this way. Yet I can't help but wonder...has the dating world changed so much that now its FWB first then we will see where it goes?
I guess a part of me is old school...when a guy asks me on a date its b.c he 'likes' me for who I am,and plans to take it into more serious....before the sex...before the date...so that when the date starts your both on the same page that it means more,could turn into something more. Now given...dating IS getting to know someone and seeing if you click , if there's chemistry ...but atleast in the beginning your on the same page its more then 'i like you cuz I just wanna fuck'.
Take head boys....watch your words...be straightforward...be blunt if you have to!
I like you....but your not good enough to date...
I like you...but your not really my type...
I like you....but I just want FWB from you until I find someone I really want
I like you...like I like my puppy...
I like you...I enjoy time with you, so let me use you until I'm done with you..
I like you....but I'm still gonna treat you like my puppy...
I like you...but..but...but...
So what does it really mean? Is it the mark of a beginning to something or is it just an over used expression guys use to stay nice but not really mean or do anything?
When does it mean more...? How can I navigate through all the bullshit to find the one who really means it?
How many times have women been run over by a guy using this saying but not really meaning it? I think in reality...liking me isn't good enough. I'm at a point where I just wanna tell a guy to fuck off when he says it..b.c I don't believe in that saying anymore.
To me...and most women..."i like you" is a guy telling us 'your worthwhile enough to take the next steps to a relationship". That's what I see when someone tells me that...so its a double negative when in reality it doesn't mean that way.
Hey 'i like cookies' but you don't see me endearing to them 'i like you cookie' before I eat it!
I'm trying not to be bitter or angry...its too early in my dating adventure to become this way. Yet I can't help but wonder...has the dating world changed so much that now its FWB first then we will see where it goes?
I guess a part of me is old school...when a guy asks me on a date its b.c he 'likes' me for who I am,and plans to take it into more serious....before the sex...before the date...so that when the date starts your both on the same page that it means more,could turn into something more. Now given...dating IS getting to know someone and seeing if you click , if there's chemistry ...but atleast in the beginning your on the same page its more then 'i like you cuz I just wanna fuck'.
Take head boys....watch your words...be straightforward...be blunt if you have to!
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Settling for less…
I am not going to settle for less anymore- this means >>No more murky, no more gray, no more undefined, and no more undeclared.And if at all possible try to know someone as best you can before you get naked.
I had a guy friend of mine flat out tell me the guys I’ve been associating with are straight up JERKS quoting “you should decide exactly what you want and then not settle for anything less.”
And I stopped and realized….he’s absolutely right.
Sure I’ve had in mind what I want, then id meet ‘Guy’ and decide I like him too much to give up on him and decide to deal with the BS he gives me.
Another thing that guy friend told me “if someone can’t give you a second to respond. They’re not worth the effort.”
So true…how many times have I sat by the phone…wasting away hours anticipating a text or call? An answer to a question? Waiting for him to tell me when he’s gonna see me?
Too many times…
My mind is fried and my heart is tired. 2 times this has happened now…and it’s only my fault b.c I keep giving into the idea of something that’s not there, which in return makes me settle for less.
I had another guy friend give me advice stating “If I tell a girl that I’m not interested in anything serious and she still sticks around anyways…its not my fault she gets hurt, cuz I warned her.”
Ouch…but true. The ‘Guy’ is probably thinking that, yet I keep stringing along in hopes that there will be more in the long run. But isn’t that basically settling for less? Giving up on something better out there…someone who would actually respect me, care about me- and SHOW it-Even if it’s just texting and calling me everyday…?
So after my sweet friend pointed out that I need to figure out what I want then not settle for less…it got me thinking…what DO I want? What do I deserve? That’s within reason of course…
So I’ve thought up some that not only I but other women should have for ‘wants and expectations’ to gauge guys to date.
1. Respect: answering texts and phone calls when possible>With complete honesty, but kindness. Showing up when a date is planned, calling and cancelling if they can’t. Responding to my concerns about relationship issues instead of avoiding. Verbally respecting you along with body language- calling names and pushin around. (some play is fun, but not all the time…duh)
2. Honesty: I like to say ‘honesty with sweet talking’ which is basically saying what’s on your mind but in the same sentence a sweet word of reassuring. “Babie, I’m sorry but I’m not interested in seeing you tonight.”I LOVE this…it’s my off button…I’m a sucker for sweet words and sweet talkin! This takes trust from the guy that I won’t be all emotional and drama about it…and I’m NOT. It’s when I don’t hear anything at all I get drama about it…DUH. Honest when I’m pushing too much, or being too annoying, or if they need space (give a time frame). I DESERVE this kind of honesty…EVERY girl does.
3. Communication: This goes along with honesty, but means more about actually communicating to me feelings of anger, frustration, sadness etc. I think ‘Guy’ and I coulda worked out better if he felt he could communicate and be more honest with me from the beginning- but he didn’t even TRY! He closed up, dropped off the face of the planet. So sad…that he didn’t give me a chance to prove to him I’m not a drama queen. Communication is huge for texting as well…well for me it is.
4. Dedication: Obviously if they are even remotely following along this path they will be dedicated enough to you and the relationship. If they are dedicated then they’d actually miss you, want to be with you, go out of their way to be with you. If they aren’t dedicated…why should you be? Why waste your time on someone who’s half in and half out. Why wait for them to be ready to ‘dedicate’ to a relationship….settling for less would be me waiting on someone to be ready. Sure, this requires a jump on the guys part…since they naturally shy away from something serious. But am I worth it?
5. Sex: Big part of a relationship…but women shouldn’t have to give it so easy to a guy to keep an interest. This includes texting as well…the 2 guys…honestly…only texted me when I started talking dirty. After awhile I started using it as a tool to get their attention. And of course when I switched to a serious topic…they disappeared. This is just horrible that guy would be this way…and stupid for me to settle for less and stick with them. Not only that, but if you feel it’s the only way to get a guy to be interested at all…your standards are way too low! Sure it’s fun to go play…but when it comes to finding something serious. Sex should be something fun, interesting, but also the guys gotta work for it.
Overall I DESERVE: honesty (someone who has the balls to be straightforward, someone who Is sweet and kind when doing it), communication (someone who WANTS to call or text EVERYDAY, someone who can text me just to say ‘busy day ill holler at you tomorrow babie ‘, someone that responds to my worries and needs of reassurance), Dedication (someone who WANTS to be with me and not ‘wait’, someone who is willing to take risks and get into a relationship)and Sex (respecting me by not letting me use it as an attention getter and making sure it means more)
I’m sure I might think of more and add them when they come to me. But that’s it for now…
As for my adventure with ‘Guy’…I know what the logical steps are…its following them instead of the one my heart wants me to follow.
If he doesn’t miss me after not talking to me at the end of a day (or 2)- he’s not worth it
If he doesn’t care enough to respond at all(to texts,IM's,Emails, Phone calls)- he’s not worth it
If he doesn’t try to catch me before he loses me…not worth it…
I had a guy friend of mine flat out tell me the guys I’ve been associating with are straight up JERKS quoting “you should decide exactly what you want and then not settle for anything less.”
And I stopped and realized….he’s absolutely right.
Sure I’ve had in mind what I want, then id meet ‘Guy’ and decide I like him too much to give up on him and decide to deal with the BS he gives me.
Another thing that guy friend told me “if someone can’t give you a second to respond. They’re not worth the effort.”
So true…how many times have I sat by the phone…wasting away hours anticipating a text or call? An answer to a question? Waiting for him to tell me when he’s gonna see me?
Too many times…
My mind is fried and my heart is tired. 2 times this has happened now…and it’s only my fault b.c I keep giving into the idea of something that’s not there, which in return makes me settle for less.
I had another guy friend give me advice stating “If I tell a girl that I’m not interested in anything serious and she still sticks around anyways…its not my fault she gets hurt, cuz I warned her.”
Ouch…but true. The ‘Guy’ is probably thinking that, yet I keep stringing along in hopes that there will be more in the long run. But isn’t that basically settling for less? Giving up on something better out there…someone who would actually respect me, care about me- and SHOW it-Even if it’s just texting and calling me everyday…?
So after my sweet friend pointed out that I need to figure out what I want then not settle for less…it got me thinking…what DO I want? What do I deserve? That’s within reason of course…
So I’ve thought up some that not only I but other women should have for ‘wants and expectations’ to gauge guys to date.
1. Respect: answering texts and phone calls when possible>With complete honesty, but kindness. Showing up when a date is planned, calling and cancelling if they can’t. Responding to my concerns about relationship issues instead of avoiding. Verbally respecting you along with body language- calling names and pushin around. (some play is fun, but not all the time…duh)
2. Honesty: I like to say ‘honesty with sweet talking’ which is basically saying what’s on your mind but in the same sentence a sweet word of reassuring. “Babie, I’m sorry but I’m not interested in seeing you tonight.”I LOVE this…it’s my off button…I’m a sucker for sweet words and sweet talkin! This takes trust from the guy that I won’t be all emotional and drama about it…and I’m NOT. It’s when I don’t hear anything at all I get drama about it…DUH. Honest when I’m pushing too much, or being too annoying, or if they need space (give a time frame). I DESERVE this kind of honesty…EVERY girl does.
3. Communication: This goes along with honesty, but means more about actually communicating to me feelings of anger, frustration, sadness etc. I think ‘Guy’ and I coulda worked out better if he felt he could communicate and be more honest with me from the beginning- but he didn’t even TRY! He closed up, dropped off the face of the planet. So sad…that he didn’t give me a chance to prove to him I’m not a drama queen. Communication is huge for texting as well…well for me it is.
4. Dedication: Obviously if they are even remotely following along this path they will be dedicated enough to you and the relationship. If they are dedicated then they’d actually miss you, want to be with you, go out of their way to be with you. If they aren’t dedicated…why should you be? Why waste your time on someone who’s half in and half out. Why wait for them to be ready to ‘dedicate’ to a relationship….settling for less would be me waiting on someone to be ready. Sure, this requires a jump on the guys part…since they naturally shy away from something serious. But am I worth it?
5. Sex: Big part of a relationship…but women shouldn’t have to give it so easy to a guy to keep an interest. This includes texting as well…the 2 guys…honestly…only texted me when I started talking dirty. After awhile I started using it as a tool to get their attention. And of course when I switched to a serious topic…they disappeared. This is just horrible that guy would be this way…and stupid for me to settle for less and stick with them. Not only that, but if you feel it’s the only way to get a guy to be interested at all…your standards are way too low! Sure it’s fun to go play…but when it comes to finding something serious. Sex should be something fun, interesting, but also the guys gotta work for it.
Overall I DESERVE: honesty (someone who has the balls to be straightforward, someone who Is sweet and kind when doing it), communication (someone who WANTS to call or text EVERYDAY, someone who can text me just to say ‘busy day ill holler at you tomorrow babie ‘, someone that responds to my worries and needs of reassurance), Dedication (someone who WANTS to be with me and not ‘wait’, someone who is willing to take risks and get into a relationship)and Sex (respecting me by not letting me use it as an attention getter and making sure it means more)
I’m sure I might think of more and add them when they come to me. But that’s it for now…
As for my adventure with ‘Guy’…I know what the logical steps are…its following them instead of the one my heart wants me to follow.
If he doesn’t miss me after not talking to me at the end of a day (or 2)- he’s not worth it
If he doesn’t care enough to respond at all(to texts,IM's,Emails, Phone calls)- he’s not worth it
If he doesn’t try to catch me before he loses me…not worth it…
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Sex...
That's right...I said it SEX!
Got your attention?
Everyone in their sane minds favorite pastime :-)
Guys find it as a form of stress reliever-so I've been told- and women like it b.c it makes them feel emotionally more attached to a guy.
But then...there's no strings attached....
That's the topic of sex I bring up today...
Women's biggest 'weapon' to get a guy .... is sex with no strings attached. Now I'm not speaking about laying out like an all you can eat buffet! I'm talking about the flirt...verbal foreplay...the tease....and even to a girl its exciting and gets the ball rolling(haha no pun intended)!
If the sex is good...damn straight the guy will want to come back for more!
Here's the catch of no strings/ friends with benefits...
- no emotions are involved. Now granted...there will be some...gotta at least be able to stand the persons personality,like them just a little. I'm talking about the emotions that come with a serious relationship. Like getting clingy, sappy,starting to text them love notes....basically anything that involves the guy to invest himself in anything more then just sex.
- Drama. "why haven't you called?", "why you lookin at that other girl?" Etc etc...usually drama starts when the girl starts getting emotionally involved when there's nothing to get involved in. This will turn a guy off so bad that not even sex will be good to him anymore.
- Expectations. No strings attached means that there's no expecting the guy to call,text, wanna see you. You really have to let go and just take it as it comes. Sure u can expect some respect from a guy...and there should be...unless its a one night stand. But I'm talking about nagging a guy for attention and reassurance. They'll turn their back and fleeeeeee!
Using sex as a tool to get a guys attention is a dangerous game to play. Guys aren't just a peice of meat and deserve honesty and respect too. And we women are very capable of playing this game and ending up falling in love with them.
Can any real relationship start with FWB? I'd like to think that if both sides balance out and the game is stopped that Its possible. Especially if the friends part of the relationship is very strong. In this case you gotta let the guy initiate it b.c you risk him getting scared and backing off at being serious if he's not interested or ready for it.
It's a nice idea that we as women have control over some things in a relationship. Sex is one...
Most guys can't even really think about a relationship or something serious until after they get intimate....b.c its how they get close too...just in a more non emotional way as women.
Tread carefully if your wanting to play....
Got your attention?
Everyone in their sane minds favorite pastime :-)
Guys find it as a form of stress reliever-so I've been told- and women like it b.c it makes them feel emotionally more attached to a guy.
But then...there's no strings attached....
That's the topic of sex I bring up today...
Women's biggest 'weapon' to get a guy .... is sex with no strings attached. Now I'm not speaking about laying out like an all you can eat buffet! I'm talking about the flirt...verbal foreplay...the tease....and even to a girl its exciting and gets the ball rolling(haha no pun intended)!
If the sex is good...damn straight the guy will want to come back for more!
Here's the catch of no strings/ friends with benefits...
- no emotions are involved. Now granted...there will be some...gotta at least be able to stand the persons personality,like them just a little. I'm talking about the emotions that come with a serious relationship. Like getting clingy, sappy,starting to text them love notes....basically anything that involves the guy to invest himself in anything more then just sex.
- Drama. "why haven't you called?", "why you lookin at that other girl?" Etc etc...usually drama starts when the girl starts getting emotionally involved when there's nothing to get involved in. This will turn a guy off so bad that not even sex will be good to him anymore.
- Expectations. No strings attached means that there's no expecting the guy to call,text, wanna see you. You really have to let go and just take it as it comes. Sure u can expect some respect from a guy...and there should be...unless its a one night stand. But I'm talking about nagging a guy for attention and reassurance. They'll turn their back and fleeeeeee!
Using sex as a tool to get a guys attention is a dangerous game to play. Guys aren't just a peice of meat and deserve honesty and respect too. And we women are very capable of playing this game and ending up falling in love with them.
Can any real relationship start with FWB? I'd like to think that if both sides balance out and the game is stopped that Its possible. Especially if the friends part of the relationship is very strong. In this case you gotta let the guy initiate it b.c you risk him getting scared and backing off at being serious if he's not interested or ready for it.
It's a nice idea that we as women have control over some things in a relationship. Sex is one...
Most guys can't even really think about a relationship or something serious until after they get intimate....b.c its how they get close too...just in a more non emotional way as women.
Tread carefully if your wanting to play....
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Building
"Build a friendship...not a relationship” Like a foundation to a home as a relationship is the house. When the foundation isn’t strong enough and a relationship is pushed it comes crashing down; shaking, cracking, breaking the foundation that is there...keep forcing a relationship enough times- not even the foundation will be left...and the house becomes completely unbuildable. Yet…with a strong foundation, a beautiful home can be built…forever secure, safe and lovely.
I never got this concept until now...
I feel like apologizing to the guys I misunderstood this with...
Perhaps I have the fear that I would never be good enough for someone to actually 'build a house with' and be left with empty foundations laying everywhere.
"Can we just be friends?", "I think friendship is a better way for us to go"
I think I have a boneyard of foundations...empty,cracked,broken...
Then again perhaps its about chosing better foundation to 'use'...taking more time, having patience that i just dont have, and hoping that the house will be built eventually...and when it is done...it will be beautiful...like I know it will be.
I never got this concept until now...
I feel like apologizing to the guys I misunderstood this with...
Perhaps I have the fear that I would never be good enough for someone to actually 'build a house with' and be left with empty foundations laying everywhere.
"Can we just be friends?", "I think friendship is a better way for us to go"
I think I have a boneyard of foundations...empty,cracked,broken...
Then again perhaps its about chosing better foundation to 'use'...taking more time, having patience that i just dont have, and hoping that the house will be built eventually...and when it is done...it will be beautiful...like I know it will be.
Monday, July 19, 2010
The hint = “Space”
That’s what I’ve figured.
‘They’ say…when a guy is really into you, he’ll be the first to call, the first to text and go out of his way to be with you. Time and time… this has actually come to prove itself to me.
So what then when the silence starts? That’s where I’m confused at. In my mind…everything is going fine…but something else is going on in his head.
So the “Hint” starts.
Which is the guy> Maybe if I stop calling, answering texts, not answer the phone….she will get the hint I’m not interested and just leave me alone.Or if I dont answer she'll figure it out that I just have nothing to say or no response and wont bother me with it....
All I can say to that is “REALLY?” that’s so lame. Seriously guys….grow some balls. Even if it’s just a text to say “I’m needing some space give me a few days.” Its better then the silence and not knowing.
Deep down though…if you know you’re not interested in a girl…please just tell her. The longer you drag it out, the worse the drama/emotional part from her will be.
WHY do they do this stupid hint thing? Is it really to just avoid the nagging, crying, whining, emotional drama from a girl? It’s like they are digging themselves a hole by doing it this way instead of just being honest.
So I’ve devised some reasons that I’ve thought through…when you stop hearing from a guy as much as they were before.
1. They are actually just busy. (Girls still think, he could at least just text and let us know he’s too busy, but if this is the case then we feel confident that we will hear from them in a day...besides guys hate reassuring girls)
2. He’s so not into you. (In his mind, he’s already moved on to the next girl and you’re forgotten like yesterdays trash-ouch- and you’re left wondering)
3. He needs space. ( The problem with this ‘hint’ is that the girl really has no clue if its 1,2 or 3 so in a sense they might still bug the guy wondering….”where’d they go?” Which makes it only worse, but like I said NO CLUE! Not only that but we are constantly wondering “HOW LONG?”)
I’ve found that guys are so laid back about all this stuff…that they really do leave a girl to wonder, worry and be completely clueless about what’s going on…
My experience with a guy wanting space…is that it’s bad news. In some aspects I can’t help but wonder if that’s their first step of trying to just get out of the whole relationship. Then next step you just never hear from them again. I’ve been burned so many times by this ‘get a hint’ and ‘space’ concept. My initial reaction to a guy wanting space is “Well…time for me to move on cuz I guess its over.”
But I do have a logical side…and that kicks in saying. RELAX….just chill…if you never hear back from him…he’s an ASS anyways.
I have a bad habit though…when a guy tries the’ hint’ and I sense that he is…I rebel. I get so angry that they don’t have any BALLS to be straight with me that I push to just piss them off into being straightforward with me…just so I can say “See how easy that was? Coulda saved us all this pain if you did that in the first place…dickface…” (So a guy with complete honesty would be good for me… LOL)
Usually if they need space then it means you’ve pushed them away in some way. What’s next when a guy wants space? How can a girl keep from worrying that the guy will inevitably just not be interested anymore?Is there any hope if a guy wants space that he will actually come back?
Left with only the good memories until you hear from them again…trying to be drama free about it, understanding and respectful of their ‘spatial’ needs….trying to keep from being torn inside….
So just be straight…no hiding...no avoiding…no hints…it saves a lot of wasted time and heartache…trust me!
‘They’ say…when a guy is really into you, he’ll be the first to call, the first to text and go out of his way to be with you. Time and time… this has actually come to prove itself to me.
So what then when the silence starts? That’s where I’m confused at. In my mind…everything is going fine…but something else is going on in his head.
So the “Hint” starts.
Which is the guy> Maybe if I stop calling, answering texts, not answer the phone….she will get the hint I’m not interested and just leave me alone.Or if I dont answer she'll figure it out that I just have nothing to say or no response and wont bother me with it....
All I can say to that is “REALLY?” that’s so lame. Seriously guys….grow some balls. Even if it’s just a text to say “I’m needing some space give me a few days.” Its better then the silence and not knowing.
Deep down though…if you know you’re not interested in a girl…please just tell her. The longer you drag it out, the worse the drama/emotional part from her will be.
WHY do they do this stupid hint thing? Is it really to just avoid the nagging, crying, whining, emotional drama from a girl? It’s like they are digging themselves a hole by doing it this way instead of just being honest.
So I’ve devised some reasons that I’ve thought through…when you stop hearing from a guy as much as they were before.
1. They are actually just busy. (Girls still think, he could at least just text and let us know he’s too busy, but if this is the case then we feel confident that we will hear from them in a day...besides guys hate reassuring girls)
2. He’s so not into you. (In his mind, he’s already moved on to the next girl and you’re forgotten like yesterdays trash-ouch- and you’re left wondering)
3. He needs space. ( The problem with this ‘hint’ is that the girl really has no clue if its 1,2 or 3 so in a sense they might still bug the guy wondering….”where’d they go?” Which makes it only worse, but like I said NO CLUE! Not only that but we are constantly wondering “HOW LONG?”)
I’ve found that guys are so laid back about all this stuff…that they really do leave a girl to wonder, worry and be completely clueless about what’s going on…
My experience with a guy wanting space…is that it’s bad news. In some aspects I can’t help but wonder if that’s their first step of trying to just get out of the whole relationship. Then next step you just never hear from them again. I’ve been burned so many times by this ‘get a hint’ and ‘space’ concept. My initial reaction to a guy wanting space is “Well…time for me to move on cuz I guess its over.”
But I do have a logical side…and that kicks in saying. RELAX….just chill…if you never hear back from him…he’s an ASS anyways.
I have a bad habit though…when a guy tries the’ hint’ and I sense that he is…I rebel. I get so angry that they don’t have any BALLS to be straight with me that I push to just piss them off into being straightforward with me…just so I can say “See how easy that was? Coulda saved us all this pain if you did that in the first place…dickface…” (So a guy with complete honesty would be good for me… LOL)
Usually if they need space then it means you’ve pushed them away in some way. What’s next when a guy wants space? How can a girl keep from worrying that the guy will inevitably just not be interested anymore?Is there any hope if a guy wants space that he will actually come back?
Left with only the good memories until you hear from them again…trying to be drama free about it, understanding and respectful of their ‘spatial’ needs….trying to keep from being torn inside….
So just be straight…no hiding...no avoiding…no hints…it saves a lot of wasted time and heartache…trust me!
Mystery...
...of the dating world...
That’s where I’m at now…. Gone from the dating world for the last 6 years.
Although, I wasn’t very good at it in the first place so now I’m navigating…
I’m too straight forward, aggressive, to the point and I don’t play the stupid “Playing hard to get game”. Which let’s face it…that’s just how guys work…even the ones who say they don’t. They find more appeal in the mystery with a hint of tease…then the real thing. It’s perhaps unattractive to them that a woman would like them “a lot” and be open about it?
I’m thinking this is for a few reasons….
One it puts a newfound pressure on them. Like “Oh crap…she really likes me…now what? I only like her just a little….or Do I have to show her affection back now? Then they mentally hyperventilate and start doing the ‘hint’.
Secondly, if it’s not reciprocated….your just in flat trouble. This goes for the girl and guy. The guy is overwhelmed with not wanting to ‘hurt’ your feelings and cause drama…and the girl is left heart wide open and completely clueless….
Both sexes are so hard to read and understand…
Men are so casual…usually wanting to go with the flow of the relationship not wanting to put ‘titles’ on anything…leaving things as they are, not exploring or talking about things…completely emotionless… “it is what it is”…
Women on the other hand…over think…talk too much…emotional…drama…
Yet with a good woman, the guy will never have a doubt of her affection and will know he can always trust her. How many of you guys can say with assuredness the girl you are dating/seeing will never cheat on you? How often has it happened in the past that they have? Did you ever feel smothered by them? That they were too clingy? Did you tell them this; give them the subtle hint that you needed ‘space’? Be careful what you wish for….
Guys don’t want clingy and smothering
Guys don’t want overemotional or drama
Guys don’t want ‘too much’ of anything (ha except sex)
But then they want someone genuine, honest, trusting, sweet….
They want someone to come home to, to feel loved by…feel wanted…
I’m sure deep down...they are just as lonely in the darkness of night…as they try to fall asleep…as we women are...
So where’s the compromise?
I have no clue….
So then…it is back to playing the ‘game’…of seeming interested yet not 100% available, keeping them wondering etc. I horribly fail at that part. Perhaps I’m just a simple girl and games escape me.
My close female friend keeps telling me to not be serious with anyone and explore the FWB(friends with benefits) lifestyle. I’ve never done that….I don’t even know what it really means to be ‘no strings attached’ kind of girl. Not only that I can’t help but think how slutty id be viewed…which I’m just not…
Besides…I get emotionally attached when I’m intimate…that’s just how I am, which I think is sweet. It means something to me…the person I’m with means something to me….and that person will know who they are….
Besides…what do all these terms mean nowadays? Here’s how I remember it…but it could have changed since then (6 years ago)> Please add feedback and I will add into this post other ‘titles’ that are out there!
-Dating> not exclusive, being with other people, going on ‘dates’, emotions only kind of involved, no expectations, only 40% interested in the other person life
-Seeing someone> exclusive? More than just dating, emotions involved, expectations are built, 100% interested in others person life
-No strings attached (FWB)> not dating, no emotions, no interest in each other’s personal life, only sex
So where am I…? At dating I suppose…until someone wants more…
So I share this adventure with you….because that’s just how I am. I love verbal exploration into the unknown. Feedback from guys would be great too….because although I may say a lot…I have NO clue…left with assumptions…I walk with no trust into the dating world….
This is my version of “Sex and the City”.
That’s where I’m at now…. Gone from the dating world for the last 6 years.
Although, I wasn’t very good at it in the first place so now I’m navigating…
I’m too straight forward, aggressive, to the point and I don’t play the stupid “Playing hard to get game”. Which let’s face it…that’s just how guys work…even the ones who say they don’t. They find more appeal in the mystery with a hint of tease…then the real thing. It’s perhaps unattractive to them that a woman would like them “a lot” and be open about it?
I’m thinking this is for a few reasons….
One it puts a newfound pressure on them. Like “Oh crap…she really likes me…now what? I only like her just a little….or Do I have to show her affection back now? Then they mentally hyperventilate and start doing the ‘hint’.
Secondly, if it’s not reciprocated….your just in flat trouble. This goes for the girl and guy. The guy is overwhelmed with not wanting to ‘hurt’ your feelings and cause drama…and the girl is left heart wide open and completely clueless….
Both sexes are so hard to read and understand…
Men are so casual…usually wanting to go with the flow of the relationship not wanting to put ‘titles’ on anything…leaving things as they are, not exploring or talking about things…completely emotionless… “it is what it is”…
Women on the other hand…over think…talk too much…emotional…drama…
Yet with a good woman, the guy will never have a doubt of her affection and will know he can always trust her. How many of you guys can say with assuredness the girl you are dating/seeing will never cheat on you? How often has it happened in the past that they have? Did you ever feel smothered by them? That they were too clingy? Did you tell them this; give them the subtle hint that you needed ‘space’? Be careful what you wish for….
Guys don’t want clingy and smothering
Guys don’t want overemotional or drama
Guys don’t want ‘too much’ of anything (ha except sex)
But then they want someone genuine, honest, trusting, sweet….
They want someone to come home to, to feel loved by…feel wanted…
I’m sure deep down...they are just as lonely in the darkness of night…as they try to fall asleep…as we women are...
So where’s the compromise?
I have no clue….
So then…it is back to playing the ‘game’…of seeming interested yet not 100% available, keeping them wondering etc. I horribly fail at that part. Perhaps I’m just a simple girl and games escape me.
My close female friend keeps telling me to not be serious with anyone and explore the FWB(friends with benefits) lifestyle. I’ve never done that….I don’t even know what it really means to be ‘no strings attached’ kind of girl. Not only that I can’t help but think how slutty id be viewed…which I’m just not…
Besides…I get emotionally attached when I’m intimate…that’s just how I am, which I think is sweet. It means something to me…the person I’m with means something to me….and that person will know who they are….
Besides…what do all these terms mean nowadays? Here’s how I remember it…but it could have changed since then (6 years ago)> Please add feedback and I will add into this post other ‘titles’ that are out there!
-Dating> not exclusive, being with other people, going on ‘dates’, emotions only kind of involved, no expectations, only 40% interested in the other person life
-Seeing someone> exclusive? More than just dating, emotions involved, expectations are built, 100% interested in others person life
-No strings attached (FWB)> not dating, no emotions, no interest in each other’s personal life, only sex
So where am I…? At dating I suppose…until someone wants more…
So I share this adventure with you….because that’s just how I am. I love verbal exploration into the unknown. Feedback from guys would be great too….because although I may say a lot…I have NO clue…left with assumptions…I walk with no trust into the dating world….
This is my version of “Sex and the City”.
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