Imprint......

Every so often we meet someone that leaves an imprint in our memories. Something special about them that we couldn't let go...emotions and feelings for them staying in The back of our minds and hearts.

These people are fortunate enough to stay with us even after they are gone.Things happened that cause the relationship to go astray.
Since June I've had the painful 'pleasure' to come across 3 unique men that have left said imprint on me...on my life.
There's no going back to them...
No do-overs...
I cannot undo the things I've done or said...
It is what it is..and now ill always remember them.

It's not completly hopeless...I've learned immensely from these men..things that prepare me to be a stronger,smarter woman in future relationships. Learning more about me - the good and the bad.

I've learned that I give my heart away to easily...
I'm too eager for something more to be there..
That I put too much trust and faith in their nonchalant sweet talking...
That I get attached to a sexual partner if I'm not forwarned that its just FWB to them...
That I overshare my complicated life too much...
That I'm annoying ...compulsive...pushy...aggressive...too blunt and unfocused....

But I'm also full of love...honesty...integrity..passionate...kind...giving and funloving...

What's life without lessons to teach you along the way? Yes...there is still pain from time to time when I think of them. But through that pain I've learned more about me... dating...and guys then I knew before.
I still have hope that any of them would come back to me....but I'm also aware the damage has been done...and ill never near from them again.

So moving forward...as always....trying harder to lock my heart away...
And learn to let go....

"I like you..."

I've had so many guys tell me this recently ...what the heck does it really mean? What am I suppose to do with that?

I like you....but your not good enough to date...
I like you...but your not really my type...
I like you....but I just want FWB from you until I find someone I really want
I like you...like I like my puppy...
I like you...I enjoy time with you, so let me use you until I'm done with you..
I like you....but I'm still gonna treat you like my puppy...
I like you...but..but...but...

So what does it really mean? Is it the mark of a beginning to something or is it just an over used expression guys use to stay nice but not really mean or do anything?
When does it mean more...? How can I navigate through all the bullshit to find the one who really means it?

How many times have women been run over by a guy using this saying but not really meaning it? I think in reality...liking me isn't good enough. I'm at a point where I just wanna tell a guy to fuck off when he says it..b.c I don't believe in that saying anymore.

To me...and most women..."i like you" is a guy telling us 'your worthwhile enough to take the next steps to a relationship". That's what I see when someone tells me that...so its a double negative when in reality it doesn't mean that way.
Hey 'i like cookies' but you don't see me endearing to them 'i like you cookie' before I eat it!

I'm trying not to be bitter or angry...its too early in my dating adventure to become this way. Yet I can't help but wonder...has the dating world changed so much that now its FWB first then we will see where it goes?
I guess a part of me is old school...when a guy asks me on a date its b.c he 'likes' me for who I am,and plans to take it into more serious....before the sex...before the date...so that when the date starts your both on the same page that it means more,could turn into something more. Now given...dating IS getting to know someone and seeing if you click , if there's chemistry ...but atleast in the beginning your on the same page its more then 'i like you cuz I just wanna fuck'.

Take head boys....watch your words...be straightforward...be blunt if you have to!