I got inspired by a ‘friends’ post in regards to arguing in a relationship. Now granted the post was for fun with a hint of seriousness, but it got my creativity going…
Arguments are a fact of life…family, friends, and dating relationships.
There are some things that make them worse in specific relating to specific people.
Basis of most arguments I think is this: there’s 2 things about a guy that’s (usually) a fact:
1. They hate Drama
2. They hate to reassure.
The smart thing to do would be find a woman without drama, where the man doesn’t need to always reassure(b.c it'll come naturally)Could arguments be lessened without a woman’s dramatic reaction and the man dreading he has to reassure all the time?
I think to add onto those 2 basic things…is trust and honesty.
So many guys I’ve dated didn’t trust my reaction to how they were feeling or thinking assuming that my reaction would be dramatic. So they held it in, didn’t say anything…disappeared.
My reaction to them ‘disappearing’...drama-ish. I’m human...infallible...I’m not perfect…but I am a person who hates avoidance and dishonesty. It really pisses me off…and hurts that my emotional reaction can’t be trusted....when they didnt even give me a chance to show how little drama I can be.
On the flip side…what guy is going really feel they can be honest in a relationship? They perhaps think they are showing they care by staying quiet and make the other happy? But then the truth is never told…hidden within and seeping deep into the core of the relationships strength…eating it slowly away. If this happens every time…it will crumble from within…
Women will eventually be able to tell that there is something amiss…then…the argument starts.
It takes a lot of trust to be able to be honest…
It can take a lot for a woman to realize the honesty coming from a guy…take a step back from reacting and appreciate that the guy is taking a chance at being truthful. Then calmly discuss…
If the relationship is strong, meant to be…then arguments need to turn into discussion on how to make things better.
As for me…the more I know…ahead of time, upfront and with honesty…the more I am clear headed and not dramatic about it at all. My ‘off’ button to possibly being upset about what may need to be said…is sweet talking. (baby,hunnie,sweety etc). Makes me feel better about the situation; feel that somewhere in their honesty…they still care.
“I’m sorry sweetheart…but I’m not interested in you that way.”
Women…if you want that honesty, you got to give up the drama to listen and work it out…
Guys…take a chance…be honest…and really consider if you’re with the right girl if she doesn’t try to be drama free to work on the relationship…
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
LDR
Long Distance Relationship
I’m an internet guru…IT geek…so I end up finding some of the most eligible men…online. So in that, I met someone named Jeremy…lived in South Carolina…and he burned me really bad. There’s some pertinent things I learned from this relationship thing we had that I think needs to be thrown out there.
Overall LDR are HARD. It takes a lot of trust, communication and commitment from both sides. Here’s something I’ve designed for myself and others to follow…guidelines.
1. Both interested in each other. Being in a LDR where only one person is interested and the other isn’t WONT work. I think this one is pretty obvious and doesn’t need explanation. Although once a guy starts dropping back on communication…I assume he isn’t interested anymore and move on> I suggest you do the same if he does it to you.
2. Reassurance. I AM a person who needs A LOT of reassurance…sorry…that’s just who I am. Especially if it’s LDR. I’m meaning reassurance in the fact that the guys IS interested…this is done by their actions. Which actions are hard since it is less physical, but they can still show their interest by calling every day, keeping in contact any way they can.
3. Communication. I mean talking every day. Because you don’t see each other physically…communication is all that is left. The only way a LDR will work is if you keep constant contact with each other. Now it can be text, IM, phone calls etc…as long as it something. I hate…not hearing from someone within a day…and I’m ok with simple texts…b.c it’s still some form of connection still between us. Now I know…people have their own lives to live and get busy. The difference is when a guy is really into you, you become part of that day anyways to where contact with you is just like their cup of coffee in the morning…gotta have it.
4. NO naughtiness(I.E naked pics, naked web cam, phone sex). Guys are soo into this…. That I think it clouds the realness of a relationship. Sure after a long while- like a month or 2, then you can start sharing dirty pics and really being naughty over the phone, but before that I think it cheapens a relationship.
5. Building trust. I have no trust in a guy anymore when he says he will call, text…anything b.c I have been burned so many times by them. Now I have these high expectations and a guys got to seriously prove himself. Why should I settle for less anyways?
I’m done with sweet talking from a guy who’s LD, I’m ready for someone who naturally will follow these steps b.c he IS interested and willing to prove it. If the fact that I have these high expectations scares them off…then they weren’t that serious anyways. No one should settle for anything less, and I am constantly working on not settling for less.
I’m an internet guru…IT geek…so I end up finding some of the most eligible men…online. So in that, I met someone named Jeremy…lived in South Carolina…and he burned me really bad. There’s some pertinent things I learned from this relationship thing we had that I think needs to be thrown out there.
Overall LDR are HARD. It takes a lot of trust, communication and commitment from both sides. Here’s something I’ve designed for myself and others to follow…guidelines.
1. Both interested in each other. Being in a LDR where only one person is interested and the other isn’t WONT work. I think this one is pretty obvious and doesn’t need explanation. Although once a guy starts dropping back on communication…I assume he isn’t interested anymore and move on> I suggest you do the same if he does it to you.
2. Reassurance. I AM a person who needs A LOT of reassurance…sorry…that’s just who I am. Especially if it’s LDR. I’m meaning reassurance in the fact that the guys IS interested…this is done by their actions. Which actions are hard since it is less physical, but they can still show their interest by calling every day, keeping in contact any way they can.
3. Communication. I mean talking every day. Because you don’t see each other physically…communication is all that is left. The only way a LDR will work is if you keep constant contact with each other. Now it can be text, IM, phone calls etc…as long as it something. I hate…not hearing from someone within a day…and I’m ok with simple texts…b.c it’s still some form of connection still between us. Now I know…people have their own lives to live and get busy. The difference is when a guy is really into you, you become part of that day anyways to where contact with you is just like their cup of coffee in the morning…gotta have it.
4. NO naughtiness(I.E naked pics, naked web cam, phone sex). Guys are soo into this…. That I think it clouds the realness of a relationship. Sure after a long while- like a month or 2, then you can start sharing dirty pics and really being naughty over the phone, but before that I think it cheapens a relationship.
5. Building trust. I have no trust in a guy anymore when he says he will call, text…anything b.c I have been burned so many times by them. Now I have these high expectations and a guys got to seriously prove himself. Why should I settle for less anyways?
I’m done with sweet talking from a guy who’s LD, I’m ready for someone who naturally will follow these steps b.c he IS interested and willing to prove it. If the fact that I have these high expectations scares them off…then they weren’t that serious anyways. No one should settle for anything less, and I am constantly working on not settling for less.
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