Settling for less…

I am not going to settle for less anymore- this means >>No more murky, no more gray, no more undefined, and no more undeclared.And if at all possible try to know someone as best you can before you get naked.

I had a guy friend of mine flat out tell me the guys I’ve been associating with are straight up JERKS quoting “you should decide exactly what you want and then not settle for anything less.”
And I stopped and realized….he’s absolutely right.
Sure I’ve had in mind what I want, then id meet ‘Guy’ and decide I like him too much to give up on him and decide to deal with the BS he gives me.
Another thing that guy friend told me “if someone can’t give you a second to respond. They’re not worth the effort.”
So true…how many times have I sat by the phone…wasting away hours anticipating a text or call? An answer to a question? Waiting for him to tell me when he’s gonna see me?
Too many times…
My mind is fried and my heart is tired. 2 times this has happened now…and it’s only my fault b.c I keep giving into the idea of something that’s not there, which in return makes me settle for less.
I had another guy friend give me advice stating “If I tell a girl that I’m not interested in anything serious and she still sticks around anyways…its not my fault she gets hurt, cuz I warned her.”
Ouch…but true. The ‘Guy’ is probably thinking that, yet I keep stringing along in hopes that there will be more in the long run. But isn’t that basically settling for less? Giving up on something better out there…someone who would actually respect me, care about me- and SHOW it-Even if it’s just texting and calling me everyday…?
So after my sweet friend pointed out that I need to figure out what I want then not settle for less…it got me thinking…what DO I want? What do I deserve? That’s within reason of course…
So I’ve thought up some that not only I but other women should have for ‘wants and expectations’ to gauge guys to date.

1. Respect: answering texts and phone calls when possible>With complete honesty, but kindness. Showing up when a date is planned, calling and cancelling if they can’t. Responding to my concerns about relationship issues instead of avoiding. Verbally respecting you along with body language- calling names and pushin around. (some play is fun, but not all the time…duh)

2. Honesty: I like to say ‘honesty with sweet talking’ which is basically saying what’s on your mind but in the same sentence a sweet word of reassuring. “Babie, I’m sorry but I’m not interested in seeing you tonight.”I LOVE this…it’s my off button…I’m a sucker for sweet words and sweet talkin! This takes trust from the guy that I won’t be all emotional and drama about it…and I’m NOT. It’s when I don’t hear anything at all I get drama about it…DUH. Honest when I’m pushing too much, or being too annoying, or if they need space (give a time frame). I DESERVE this kind of honesty…EVERY girl does.

3. Communication: This goes along with honesty, but means more about actually communicating to me feelings of anger, frustration, sadness etc. I think ‘Guy’ and I coulda worked out better if he felt he could communicate and be more honest with me from the beginning- but he didn’t even TRY! He closed up, dropped off the face of the planet. So sad…that he didn’t give me a chance to prove to him I’m not a drama queen. Communication is huge for texting as well…well for me it is.

4. Dedication: Obviously if they are even remotely following along this path they will be dedicated enough to you and the relationship. If they are dedicated then they’d actually miss you, want to be with you, go out of their way to be with you. If they aren’t dedicated…why should you be? Why waste your time on someone who’s half in and half out. Why wait for them to be ready to ‘dedicate’ to a relationship….settling for less would be me waiting on someone to be ready. Sure, this requires a jump on the guys part…since they naturally shy away from something serious. But am I worth it?

5. Sex: Big part of a relationship…but women shouldn’t have to give it so easy to a guy to keep an interest. This includes texting as well…the 2 guys…honestly…only texted me when I started talking dirty. After awhile I started using it as a tool to get their attention. And of course when I switched to a serious topic…they disappeared. This is just horrible that guy would be this way…and stupid for me to settle for less and stick with them. Not only that, but if you feel it’s the only way to get a guy to be interested at all…your standards are way too low! Sure it’s fun to go play…but when it comes to finding something serious. Sex should be something fun, interesting, but also the guys gotta work for it.

Overall I DESERVE: honesty (someone who has the balls to be straightforward, someone who Is sweet and kind when doing it), communication (someone who WANTS to call or text EVERYDAY, someone who can text me just to say ‘busy day ill holler at you tomorrow babie ‘, someone that responds to my worries and needs of reassurance), Dedication (someone who WANTS to be with me and not ‘wait’, someone who is willing to take risks and get into a relationship)and Sex (respecting me by not letting me use it as an attention getter and making sure it means more)

I’m sure I might think of more and add them when they come to me. But that’s it for now…

As for my adventure with ‘Guy’…I know what the logical steps are…its following them instead of the one my heart wants me to follow.
If he doesn’t miss me after not talking to me at the end of a day (or 2)- he’s not worth it
If he doesn’t care enough to respond at all(to texts,IM's,Emails, Phone calls)- he’s not worth it
If he doesn’t try to catch me before he loses me…not worth it…